I seem to have the opposite problem of most of the women ter your blog when it comes to online dating – too much of a good thing! I get a fair number of interesting replies and very first messages and there are two things I’m fighting with. Very first, is there an acceptable way to say, “My dance card is pretty total right now, but I’ll get back to you ter a few weeks if none of those dates go further?” I can’t think of a good way to phrase this that doesn’t sound like the man is “second choice” or a backup option – and usually he is a flawlessly interesting and attractive person, not a 2nd choice at all, but I don’t want to be ter the situation of having three different dates every week and having to draw up a spreadsheet to keep track of them all! At the same time, switching my profile status to “seeing someone” every time I go on a 2nd date seems like overkill.
My 2nd question is about telling no/rejecting people. I hate it, and I’m terrible at it! I know what I am supposed to do – slobber it out, be onmiddellijk – but I truly, indeed wish there wasgoed a less awkward way to do it (studs have it effortless, all they have to do is not call). I feel like I need some formal practice – I would totally sign up for a workshop that wasgoed nothing but Two hours straight of telling, “no, thank you, it wasgoed nice to meet you, I know wij had a good talk about X, but the chemistry isn’t there for mij and I don’t want a 2nd date,” overheen and overheen until the cringy awkwardness wasgoed washed out of it. Do such workshops exist? (Yes, I’ve looked – no luck so far.) If not, any suggestions on overcoming my extreme internal resistance to being so blunt?
Thanks for any suggestions you can offerande! –Erin
High-class problems, Erin. High-class problems.
And you totally came to the right fellow to reaction them.
Indeed, I hate to toot my own horn about my embarrassingly vast online dating practice, but, well, TOOT TOOT!
So your cup runneth overheen, eh?
There’s no dating without heartbreak, any more than there’s swimming without getting humid.
You want to act with integrity and be nice, but not hurt anybody’s feelings.
Join the crowd. Most people, dudes and women, have no rente te hurting anyone passively or actively. The problem is that there’s usually going to be one person who is more invested than the other person. And this power imbalance means that violated hearts are par for the course. Thus, there’s no dating without heartbreak, any more than there’s swimming without getting humid.
So for the very first question, you have three things you can do more effectively.
Very first, you can curb the flow of incoming responses by either deleting your photos or hiding your profile. That way, you can overeenkomst with only the existing guys te a timely and fair manner. If you’re communicating with 7-10 gepast guys te your inbox, that will usually result ter about Two dates. If one of the dates doesn’t pan out, you can either promote guys from the minor leagues, or reactivate your photos/profile to get more incoming traffic.
2nd, you need to be better at screening. Finding the One Online has an entire CD that describes how to geflirt with studs ter a way that keeps their attention and slows them down to a rhythm you’re convenient with. If you find that online dating has overtaken your life and you have no control of your own schedule, you’re doing it wrong. Indeed. Learn to screen guys better and make email and phone into a joy challenge for them and you can have spil many or spil few dates a week spil you want.
If you find that online dating has overtaken your life and you have no control of your own schedule, you’re doing it wrong. Truly.
Eventually, if you’re excited about two guys who you’ve gone on two dates with, and you want to tell the other Ten what’s up, your treatment is actually the right one. You can very likely finesse the wording a little bit:
It’s bot indeed superb getting to know you, but I have to tell you the truth: I began to see a man and things are getting a little more serious. So I’m going to hide my profile on Match.com for now and see where things go. If they don’t work out – which is always a possibility – I hope I can voeling you again. Ter the meantime, best of luck with your search.
Fellows are so unaccustomed to getting treated with this level of honesty and respect, they will love you for it, and you will absolutely be able to go back to them te the future – even if they were, technically, your “second choice”
Spil for your 2nd query, you’re making it much more complicated than it needs to be.
The night after a boring date that doesn’t inspire you to go out again, you just fire off an email. You may notice that it sounds very similar to the one you read ten seconds ago.
I had a nice time last night and truly appreciate you treating mij to Applebees, followed by the Disney On Ice, it wasgoed utterly generous of you.
However, I don’t feel the necessary “click” to proceed to stir things forward with our relationship. You’re a fine dude and I’m glad I had the chance to get to know you. I’m sure you’re going to make some female truly glad one day. Best of luck and warmest wishes,
It’s not a negotiation, it’s a declaration.
You don’t have to explain why you don’t like him. You don’t have to promise to stay ter touch spil friends. You don’t have to do anything, except give him a slightly diluted version of the truth, so you don’t hurt his feelings when you reject him.
Sure, he can press you on WHY you didn’t feel it for him. Sure, he can write you a note that says that he thinks you’re a bitch and that you’ll diegene old alone. But that has nothing to do with you. You can surplus effortless, knowing that you did the classy thing, and that there’s nothing else that you can do to make it go down any lighter.
After you do this a few dozen times, it becomes pretty natural, I assure you.