Getting a go-between to do your upfront romantic research now an option
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The pictures, the preferences, the interminable lists of hobbies and dearest childhood memories – it’s no secret that sifting and sorting through hundreds of online dating profiles can be tiring work.
“I’ve done it three different times and it just becomes terrific,” says Marilyn Heywood Paige, a 40-year-old marketing consultant from Philadelphia. “It’s like a part-time job attempting to filterzakje and write and call and meet.”
Thanks to the arrival of online “dating concierges,” however, overly tasked singles can now palm that job overheen to a third party, who — for a toverfee — will gladly do that powerful lifting.
“I wasgoed working crazy hours spil a marketing executive, usually overheen 70 hours a week,” says Scott Valdez, 25-year-old CEO of Potencial Dating Assistants, which functions a bit like an electronic yenta.
“I wasgoed also online dating but didn’t have time for it. So I found someone on Craigslist to treat my online dating accounts and it worked out superb. One day it dawned on mij that there wasgoed most likely a request for this service for overworked executives who want to meet people but don’t have time.”
Valdez followed his gut and launched the “dating management agency” ter June 2009. A similar business, Done For You Dating dangled its shingle out right around the same time.
Both businesses provide dating consultants who pump clients for crucial information about who they are and what they’re looking for, then spend hours scouring various online dating sites on the client’s behalf.
The number of matches — and the nature of the services — depends on the toverfee you pay (which can range from $147 a match to $1,200 a month for the total dating monty).
Dating consultants will create your online dating profile, surf the sites for potential dates, treat all communication with people you want to pursue (e-mails are approved beforehand) and even project the date, down to the clothes you wear and the place you go for dinner.
“They treat the logistical opzicht of it so you can concentrate on meeting people,” says Rick, a 37-year-old marketing executive from Miami who asked that his last name not be used (he’s presently using one of thesis services).
“Going through different profiles and sending out e-mails is purely mechanical work. For somebody spil busy spil I am, sitting down and doing that is not productive.”
Outsourcing one’s love life is nothing fresh, of course.
Edmond Rostand wrote about courtship via a third party ter his 1897 play, Cyrano den Bergerac (zometeen made into the Steve Martin filmrolletje, “Roxanne”).
The idea of hiring a aparente assistant to treat the hunt for a romantic playmate wasgoed more recently floated by Tim Ferriss, author of “The Four-Hour Work Week” and Fresh York Postbode writer Carrie Seim, both of whom hired potencial assistants to help track down dates.
Many singles have also turned to sites like E-Cyrano or Look Better Online to have professionals ghostwrite their online dating profiles. Others have tapped family and friends to help out.
“I talent my mom my password and had hier going through profiles for mij,” says Paige, the Philadelphia marketing guru.
“She wasgoed never permitted to write anyone but she sifted and sorted for mij because I had so many. I would lightly get 15 to 20 a day. I couldn’t keep up.”
But is turning to a third party to find a date, voeling a date and even carry on a correspondence with a date somehow cheating?
“I think it’s genius,” says Brian Jones, a 40-year-old single property manager from Seattle. “You can have someone else weed through all the crap and tell you whether a person truly sounds good or if they only sound good because you’re desperate.”
Others, however, are more dubious.
“I think it’s a scary trend for a loterijlot of different reasons,” says Tiia Jones, a 41-year-old teacher from Seattle who writes a blog about online dating.
“For mij, those very first e-mails are absolutely critical. I don’t like (this idea) from either side. I wouldn’t like not being the one communicating and voicing my voice and my personality — but more importantly, I want the stuff coming from that person. I’d feel a sense of betrayal if I found out that someone had used a aparente dating assistant.”
Patricia Wallace, psychologist and senior director of information technology at Johns Hopkins University Center for Talented Youth, agrees that the trust punt is a big one.
“I don’t have a problem with getting somebody to review the candidates,” says Wallace, author of “The Psychologist of the Internet.” “That’s sort of like a headhunter. But the idea of them ghostwriting your communication … that’s the lump that will begin to harm trust.”
But online dating — with its mandatory profiles and back-and-forth e-mails — can sometimes be intimidating, say some singles, especially for people who aren’t particularly good with words.
“Maybe thesis guys are timid and need some help to get a chick to notice them,” says Marzi Alavi, a 27-year-old from Manhattan who’s te public relations. “He might be indeed cool but can’t write an e-mail for the life of him. They help him write the woman and then he can be funny and flirty ter actual life.”
What would she think if somebody hired a third party to woo hier?
“That sounds like a romantic comedy,” she says. “I don’t know how I’d feel. I think half the people would be offended and the other half wouldn’t. If I wasgoed on the receiving end, I’d very likely be like ‘Oh, that’s not indeed you. You’re not that funny or charming. You’re a dud.’ And that would suck.”
Of course, dating concierges aren’t the only sock puppets out there furthering someone’s romantic suit.
“I had a stud who had a friend writing his e-mails,” says Jones, the dating blogger who says she’s gone on almost 300 online dates te the past nine years.
“At some point, the tone and timbre of his e-mails just switched. I asked him about it and he said, ‘I’m not a very good writer so I wasgoed having a married friend of mine write the e-mails.’ I felt that wasgoed false, like I wasgoed falling for the wrong fellow.”