I know this is a hot topic with boys, why? Because not getting responses online bothers some of you so much, you even address the lack of responses on your contemporáneo Dating Bio.

Are you truly providing mij the “who-me? What-are-you-talking-about” look right now?

It goes a little something like this “Loving father, looking for my best friend, and if you aren’t going to react to messages, why even be on this freaking webpagina, gravely?” or “Love to travel, and if you don’t like to react to messages just swipe left now”. Ew. I’m totally swiping for life on that toneelstuk. Zekering.

Zekering doing that. Gravely. The desperation and bitterness billows from your profile like o-zone obliterating smoke from a freight train. Gross.

Now that wij have set the stage, I am going to let you te on the secrets of why women don’t react.

A Preacher and a Rabbijn Walk Into a Buffet

Oh yeah, you guys go there. with slap-stick jokes. Earnestly. I get you’re attempting to pauze the ice by being funny, but its not effing natural. Imagine you’re at a grocery store and you walk up to a adorable chick and say “knock knock”. you know who’s there? Mace.

Just stick with what you know, reference hier profile, and if you find something funny or sarcastic to say to hier, keep it relevant. not weird spil f.

What Are You Doing at 8?

Um, being all adulty and shit and not meeting a stranger before at least having enough conversations to ascertain whether he has 8 of Ten signs of a serial killer.

I know this is a Hefty punt with studs. “I just want to see if there is chemistry” you say. And I get it, you’ve likely bot burned by women using older pictures, falsely advertising their goods, or maybe full-on catfished. You want to save time, but women want to save their lives. Wij ALL see Web of Lies or some spin off of what happens when women impulsively accept dates from strangers. They end up te a trunk, smooching filth, or with some toegevoegd crevices te their face.

Chill out. At least talk for a duo weeks, see where it goes, because here’s a little peak: if it doesn’t go well ter writing, then I assure it would have sucked te person.

“Hi”. Um. Hi? You got anything else you want, or are able, to say? If that wasgoed a trailer for a movie, I wouldn’t even observe it when it klapper Netflix.

Think how bizarre that would be if you walked up to a chick at a buffet and just said “Hi” and stood there vocally constipated.

No name, nice to meet you, or a question that leads to an response and inexcusable conversation? I’d look around for the other people wearing the same color T-shirt spil you and let them know I found you. Code Adam: Clear.

You So (Insert Trite and Objectifying Adjective Here)

You SO Sexy, Amazing, Gorgeous, Hot. Oh, is that it? I’m glad I didn’t include any syntax of adjectives ter my profile about the things I like, my talents, passions, career, or goals that you might have had to reference. Sorry guys, but it is indeed, indeed hard to send a thank you to a person who sends “daayyyuuum” to you when there were slew of other letters to succesnummer on that keyboard. Compliments are good, but mix them ter with some sentences and questions. I know. dating is SO hard.

Plagiarizers, Plagiarizers Everywhere!

Why? Just why? I had a fellow send mij lyrics from a Metallica song merienda, and another sent E.E. Cummings spil their own poetry. Google is a bitch, and wij will figure it out. So use your own work, and if poetry isn’t your forte? Don’t send it. Next.

The Self-Deprecator

Ahhh wij ladies have received them. “I’m not the best looking, and don’t make a lotsbestemming of money, and I don’t have a fine job, and I’m sure I’m out of your league”. and expect a response. You just sold mij. on that Left Swipe. If you don’t have confidence, don’t expect a response.

Picture This:

So, let’s say you sent a good message, you added words after “hi”, you mentioned items from hier Bio, you strayed from jokes and plagiarism. GOOD JOB! But you still didn’t get a response? It’s most likely you, and not them.

If you have any of the following pics you will likely NOT get a response

  1. A pic of you and what emerges to be your ex
  2. A pic of you and what shows up to be a stripper
  3. A pic of you and what emerges to be SEVERAL strippers
  4. SEVERAL pics of you taking pics of yourself half naked/at the gym
  5. No Pic

I truly shouldn’t have to explain any of the above. If I do, you need to click on your app, klapper the gear, choose account settings, and select delete. You don’t belong on dating apps.

Your Bio is your very first online impression. If it is wit, you’re lazy. If it is packed with stories of why you’re divorced and how terrible dating practices have bot? Wij are moving on to less dramatic potentials. If it is packed with a bunch of misspellings, you’re dumb. Spellcheck is free. So is Google. Use it–since you can’t use your brain.

Machine Gun Messages

Picture this: you send a message at 8:11, it wasgoed a pretty good one. You wait for a response. How long? Oh. six effing minutes.

8:17 “Hey, just making sure you got this”

8:26 “Not te the talking mood?”

8:31 “Did I do something wrong?”

8:42 “Indeed love picture #Four”

8:45 “I indeed hope you react”

GOODBYE. CHEESE n RICE, you talked yourself out of a response. Peaceful down Keyboard Weten, the only responses you’ll everzwijn get, are clearly from yourself. You’re creeping us out ter all your potential future stalker glory. Icky.

So te summary, the reasons why women don’t react have one thing ter common: you.

Nope. wrong again. it’s not us. it’s you.

Ladies, have extra reasons you don’t react? Chime te below!

Studs, I know you are seething if you made it this far and likely have several rebuttals. Have something to add? Please air your frustrations below. and not on your dating Bio. Again, you’re welcome.

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