1. “hey”: “I’m attempting to be spil casual spil possible, so casual that I can’t even be bothered to waterput a caudal letterteken on my word (albeit the phone automatically capitalizes, so I had to go out of my way to look casual).”

Three. “heyyyyy”: “I’m buzzed, and am either about to say something too emotional or send you a blurry picture of mij naked.”

Four. “I’m actually indeed focused on work right now”: “There is no good way to say that this is not going well, so I’m just going to pretend to be abruptly truly interested ter my job.”

6. “Having trouble finding the place?”: “You’re late and I am fantasizing about throwing a glass of water te your face when you arrive.”

7. “Heyyyy, I’m SO sorry I can’t make it tonight – work wasgoed totally crazy and I’m staying late. Is there any way wij could raincheck that drink?”: “I know wij toevluchthaven’t actually met yet, but the potential dangers of dating a random who succesnummer mij up on the internet are just dawning on mij. I need another night to go reconsider your profile in-depth and attempt to find your Facebook.”

8. “k.”: “You’ve actually done something to piss mij off te the past few days but wij’re not close enough that wij can discuss this without having Our Very first Fight so I’m just going to be passive aggressive until you druppel it.”

9. “There’s actually this indeed lovely cocktail caf near my place.”: “I’m into you, but I’m not go across the city into you. I want to be exactly 200 feet from my apartment if I have to make a quick uitgang.”

Ten. “I can’t zekering thinking about last night ,).” “It’s 11:30 AM and I am bored at work so I’m attempting to lowkey initiate sexting.”

11. “Good morning, beautiful.”: “We have bot dating for precisely Five.Five weeks, time to pauze out the big guns.”

12. “I had such an amazing time tonight. You are truly superb.”: “I am WAY too bashful to say thesis things to your face, so I choose texting them to you 30 seconds after wij part ways.”

13. “I think I’m just gonna stay ter tonight.”: “I look like a hot, hot mess and don’t have time to go huis and switch, so you’re not getting anywhere near mij tonight.”

14. “I should be there te 15!”: “I just left, will be there te 30 minutes, but now I only have to apologize for being 15 minutes late and therefore seem like less of an booty.”

15. “Your roomy seems indeed nice.”: “…But next time I would like him to not be moving ter and out of the living slagroom while wij’re attempting to cuddle ter vuurlijn of a movie.”

16. “Yeah my day wasgoed ok. Work kinda sucked but now I’m watching Netflix, so no biggie”: “ASK Mij WHY WORK SUCKED”

17. “You know you’re gorgeous.”: “I want to give you a vleierij, but also don’t want to seem too pressed, so I’m gonna take the casual, sexy, roundabout road to the vleierij.”

Legal. “Talk to you tomorrow :)”: “I want my goddamn ‘good morning, beautiful’ text message.”

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